Me, Myself and I

Me, Myself and I

I am now convinsed that I am actually two individuals. I am sitting here listening to my beautiful Eden on the phone with her son Samuel, crying her heart out about the pain she is in. At the same time I`m writing this and listening to "Low Love: by Brian Fallow.

While I am listening to my wife`s heart breaking, listening to "Low Love", writing this, drinking coffee, and for some crazy reason... my mind is back in time remembring each and every time my dad hit me in anger - over and over again.

I am hated by many and understand by no one. I don`t even understand myself.... I even hate myself now. There is a person inside of me that is a mother-fucker, a very hatefull person. "It`s not what you say Michael, it`s how you say it that hurts people". My fathers words.

There is a very cold and heartless person that resides in my body, he can turn his back and walk away from anyone, anything, or anyplace... and never look back. Solitude or isolation is this person`s best friend and only companion, for nothing can withstand his rage and hatered that consumes his very being. He has fire in his eyes and in his touch that turns everything in his path to ashes. He is the most distructive thing he knows. Reasoning is beyond his cimprehension or understanding. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend he and I never met, I`m not even sure where he came from or what his purpose is. If he ever shows up, I am for sure that you should leave him alone, he`s no good for no one. I`ve tried to kill him several times, as others have too, but to no avail-for the rage inside of him is too strong.

Then there is this other person that I just have to mention, because everything he does, he does with a smile on his face.... everyone wants to be his friend and they try to keep him around as long as they can - he`s fun to be around, what else can I say. There`s one thing no one knows about this guy though, it`s that behind his bright smile he gladly shines for you - he is black and dead inside - depressed from the ability to remember everything.... I mean EVERYTHING... anything from two and half years old - on. He seeks to no end for love and happiness. He is tired and weiry from struggling and searching in a world filled with lies, money is king, and everyone he meets is just out to gain something that really doesn`t even exist.

It`s took its toll on him and deep sadness, depression, unworthiness and a fake smile are his closests friends, He has searched in vain for truth and understanding - to come to a conclusion that there is no understanding in the lies he`s been fed his entire life. Understanding excapes him.This person has more emotions than the normal person has, crying often for all in pain or depression as he is. He actually thought he could change the world... what a joke he feels like now.

In writing this, I now see that there is three inside of one body, because I referee the other two. Me, Myself and I make up the mind, body and spirit of the person I am writing about. You are more than welcome to figure out who is who, but I`m pretty sure that Myself is the destuctive one, Me must be the compationate one, and I must be the one that feels both of their competiveteness, and I am here to tell you now that it is exhalsting to be I  in the middle of Me and Myself. 

I feel I am breaking down spiritually and mentally while my phisical self stands alone. Me, Myself and I -I laugh to myself as a part of Me slowly dies. I have tried to be friends with both of them, but it`s impossible, they are too selfish of each other. What am I to do as Myself rages on at Me? I have tried to lie saying Me and Myself do not exist... but I can`t lie, because they are both very real. If you push Myself you will soon realise that I nor Me can stop nor resist his rage.... he is too powerful.

If Myself is represented by fire, I suppose earth is Me, and I am nothing more than air. They have learned to work together in unisun to form who I am. Since I have no control of Me or Myself, does that make me helpless - I think YES, yes it does and its pains me to no end... no end. What ever am I to do? The battle has become more than I can take, I am tired - so tired. Me battles to exteingwish the fiery rage of Myself, then something in life happens and I tell Me that Myself is an evil necessity... and then I have to battle Myself to bring Me back to life.... and the cycle continues to calmly rage on... and on, and on to the point I can`t take anymore of their insanity. If Myself is evil, and all of the love is in me, then what am I? Now I can clearly see that none of us actually deserve our next breath. Sad, isn`t it ? 

Therefore - I am in a win, lose, or draw situation with Me, Myself and I. Myself screams Win! while Me is ready to except a draw, as I see no way out, but to lose.

Please find it in your heart and please search for understanding to realise how tired I am from trying to seperate Me from Myself, as I am lost somewhere in the middle of it all. If this seems hard to read or comprehend... just imagine how hard it is to be Me. At any given time, I have always been - Me, Myself and I.

What am I to believe when I surely die? Is Myself bannished to his selfish fiery hell? Is heaven for me? What will I become? Will I be split in two beacuse I lost my way in a world it seems I never belonged in? It is so, so very hard to be Me, I realise this, as Myself fIghts tooth and nail for total control. I have come to the conclusion that the devil is Myself, there`s an angel in Me, and that I am nothing more than a faint ray of light that seperated the two. 

This life has been one hell of a ride and I thank you forever more my Creator of All!!! Thank you Creator for allowing Me and Myself to experience this wonderful world you created, If Me and Myself had their way, they would stay here on earth and battle and war on forever and ever. Yet when it comes to what I want... Creator, I am ready to come home... I long to be one with you.

Copy rights resereved to Micha-El Parker

Unwillfull Enslavement

Unwillfull Enslavement

               I have been enslaved without my consent, my knowing it, nor my willigness to be said ensalved. Unknowing to me, my birth registration is my entrapment (my death cirtificate if you will). 
The greatest trick to be puled on someone, is a trick or con that one doesn`t even know exists. My body, mind and soul belongs to no government nor religious or occult orginization - only to the one true creator of all, the all that created everything unknown, with nothing more, than a thought, do I belong to.

               Without full or any whatsoever disclosure to myself, a birth registration was signed on my behalf by my mother and father. After that, a birth certificate was printed up with a number on it that corrisponds with the number on the birth registration - in their words ... my slave ownership papers were printed up and signed at the moment of my birth.

                After that, a social securty card was printed up for me (at my parents request) so that a fictional person could be created for my real human body to then move about in as a corporation within this fictional world that is money - based.

               In this manner, my mind or consciosness has been hijacked from me - myself - and I. Without discloser to me, a trust - with al capitalized letters of my name, was printed up for me wich has a trustee, executer and benafitiary attached to it. I am well aware of all the half truths. The half wise recognising the comperative  unreality of the universe, imagine they can defie its laws - such are they as feels. The truely wise, knowing the nature of the universe, use law against laws.


copy rights reserved to Micha-El Parker 

In My Arms

In My Arms

Making love couldn`t be any sweeter, 

my love for you could never run any deeper.

yesterday I took time to listen to the rain falling.

in my mind I found that it was your name I was calling.

To live without you Eden, I dont even want to try,

because without you I feel that I would surely die.

A life time with you I long to spend,

I`ll be there when you need a best friend.

I can`t wait to get off work to see our shadows fall,

soon it will be your name you make me call.

As we move slowly inside you tell me you love me, 

let me turn you over so that it`s yours whole body I can see.

you grin at me as I tell you to slowly ride,

we are not ashamed so it`s our faces we move have to hide.

You are in every one of my waking dreams,

I`ll be in your arms in no time its seems.

My love for you runs far and wide, 

it will never change like the oceans tide.

I want you in my arms as we watch a morning sunrises,

I want you in my arms as we watch to see baly bird for the first time flies.

I want you in my arms as we walk among the sand, 

I want you in my arms as we are at our wedding hand in hand.

I want you in my arms as together were living,

I want you in my arms when it`s my love forever givining. 

I want you in my arms when plans for the future we are making, 

I want you in my arms when my life God is taking.

copy rights reserved to Micha-El Parker 6/16/94 9:25 pm